Telfer Family Law & Mediation

Salt Lake City Divorce & Mediation

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Mediation & Collaborative Divorce

Hidden Ways Wealth Disappears During Divorce

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For successful women, entrepreneurs, executives, and high-net-worth individuals, one of the biggest financial risks in divorce is not only how assets are divided.

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It is how much wealth disappears while the divorce is happening.

You may have spent decades building a business, growing investments, buying real estate, saving for retirement, and creating financial security. During divorce, the natural question is:

“What will I receive?”

In my work with clients, I often find another question just as important:

“How much of what we built will still exist when this is over?”

Taxes, professional fees, poorly timed sales, delay, and decisions made from fear or frustration can quietly consume wealth. Protecting what you built requires more than reading the balance sheet.

It requires looking at what the process itself is doing to the estate.

Value on paper is not always value in your pocket

Two assets can each show a value of $500,000 and still create very different outcomes.

One might be cash. The other might be an investment account with significant unrealized gains. Another might be a traditional retirement account with future tax consequences. A business interest, stock option, or appreciated real estate holding can create a different set of questions again.

The balance sheet gives you a starting point.

It does not always tell you what each person will actually have after taxes, costs, timing, and liquidity are considered.

That matters because a settlement that divides $4 million equally on paper does not always create two financially equivalent $2 million futures.

Taxes should be part of the settlement conversation

Tax consequences should not be discovered after the divorce agreement is already signed.

For high-net-worth families, property division can involve businesses, investment accounts, retirement assets, real estate, executive compensation, and other assets with different tax characteristics. How those assets are divided, and sometimes when they are transferred or sold, can change the outcome in meaningful ways.

The point is not for every client to become a tax expert.

The point is to bring the right professionals into the conversation early enough that the settlement reflects what each person is actually receiving.

Professional fees can become their own form of wealth destruction

Complex divorces often require sophisticated advice. Attorneys, financial professionals, tax advisors, appraisers, and business valuation experts can provide enormous value.

They should also be used thoughtfully.

When each spouse hires separate professionals to answer the same financial questions, or when every disagreement becomes a legal fight, fees can consume wealth that could otherwise support two households, fund retirement, preserve a business, or provide future security.

The answer is not to avoid professionals.

The answer is to use the right professionals in the right roles.

In collaborative divorce, for example, spouses can sometimes jointly retain a neutral financial professional to gather information once, analyze assets and tax issues, and model settlement options. That can help the attorneys and clients focus resources on solving the problem instead of duplicating the work.

Emotion has a financial cost too

When people think about emotions costing money in divorce, they often imagine dramatic spending or open conflict.

The cost is often quieter.

It can look like fighting for an asset because giving it up feels like losing. It can look like keeping a house because leaving feels unbearable, even when the ongoing costs threaten future security. It can also look like avoiding decisions because the financial picture feels too painful to face.

Divorce brings grief, fear, anger, and ambivalence. Those emotions deserve care.

But putting your head in the sand does not freeze your finances.

During a prolonged separation, couples may maintain two households while remaining financially tied together. Debt can grow. Business decisions can stall. Investment choices can drift. Professional fees can rise as the same issues are revisited again and again.

For entrepreneurs, uncertainty can be especially expensive because decisions about compensation, distributions, hiring, debt, growth, and reinvestment still need to happen.

This does not mean rushing.

There is a difference between thoughtful pacing and avoidance. A good process gives you time to make sound decisions while still moving forward.

Forced sales can destroy value

A marital estate can be valuable without being liquid.

That is often true when wealth is concentrated in a closely held business, real estate, or long-term investments. If one spouse needs immediate cash to fund a buyout, the result might be selling investments at the wrong time, triggering unnecessary taxes, taking on expensive debt, or disrupting a business that both spouses depend on for value.

Instead of asking only:

“How do we divide everything today?”

It can be more useful to ask:

“How do we structure this settlement so we preserve as much value as possible?”

Installment payments, offsets with other assets, deferred payments, or carefully structured solutions can sometimes protect wealth that an immediate liquidation would damage.

A fair settlement can still be a poor financial decision

A settlement can look fair and still fail the future.

Keeping the house might feel like security, but not if the mortgage, taxes, repairs, and insurance leave too little cash flow for retirement. Receiving a large investment portfolio might look attractive, but not if you do not understand its tax basis, concentration risk, or liquidity.

Instead of asking only:

“Did I get half?”

Ask:

“Will what I receive help me build the life I want five, ten, and twenty years from now?”

That question changes the conversation.

It moves the focus from winning assets to preserving financial strength.

Protect what you built

Divorce changes finances. Unnecessary destruction of wealth is not inevitable.

For entrepreneurs, professionals, and high-net-worth families, the divorce process should consider the legal, financial, tax, and emotional consequences of major decisions. The goal is not simply to divide numbers in a spreadsheet. The goal is to preserve resources where possible and create a financially sustainable path forward.

At Telfer Family Law & Mediation, I help clients explore collaborative divorce and mediation approaches designed to support informed decisions, reduce unnecessary conflict, and protect the wealth they worked hard to build.

You worked hard to create what you have.

Your divorce process should help protect it, not unnecessarily consume it.

This article is for general educational purposes and does not constitute legal, tax, financial, or investment advice. Consult appropriate professionals regarding your individual circumstances.

The Hidden Cost of Financial Avoidance: Why Looking Away Can Make Divorce More Expensive

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I witness one phenomenon in many of my clients over and over: the avoidance of financial decisions. Do you know why?

Many people do not avoid financial decisions because they are irresponsible. They avoid them because they are overwhelmed.

As a collaborative divorce attorney and mediator, I have met with countless individuals who are intelligent, successful, and fully capable of managing complex situations. Yet when it comes to their own finances during divorce, they tell me things like:

“I just can’t bring myself to look at the bank statements.”

“I’ve let my spouse handle all of that for years.”

“I know I need to deal with it, but every time I sit down, I feel paralyzed.”

If you’ve ever felt that way, you are certainly not alone.

Financial avoidance is incredibly common during divorce, but it can also be one of the most expensive habits to carry through the process.

Avoidance is usually about emotion, not money

People often assume that someone who avoids financial matters simply lacks knowledge or discipline. In my experience, that is rarely the case. More often, I see that their financial avoidance is rooted in fear.

Fear of discovering the extent of the debt, of making a costly mistake, and very often the fear of conflict with a spouse. There is also the fear that life after divorce will not be financially secure. Sometimes, simply opening a financial statement feels like acknowledging that the marriage is truly ending.

That is a heavy emotional burden.

Successful women are not immune

One of the biggest misconceptions I see many clients having is that professional success automatically translates into financial confidence during divorce.

Believe me, it doesn’t.

I have worked with physicians who confidently make life-and-death decisions every day but feel overwhelmed reviewing retirement accounts.

I’ve worked with business owners who negotiate complex contracts with ease but postpone gathering financial documents because the emotional weight feels too great.

The issue has nothing to do with the lack intelligence. What we witness is emotional overload.

Small delays become expensive problems

Financial avoidance often starts with something small.

“I’ll review that statement tomorrow.”

“I’ll respond to my attorney next week.”

“I’ll gather those documents when I have more time.”

Days become weeks.

Weeks become months.

Meanwhile, opportunities can be lost.

Important financial records may become more difficult to locate.

Settlement discussions stall.

Attorney’s fees increase because professionals spend additional time following up or recreating missing information. In some cases, decisions end up being made under unnecessary time pressure because there is no longer enough time for thoughtful planning.

The cost of avoidance is rarely obvious in the beginning – it accumulates quietly.

Knowledge creates confidence

One of my favorite moments with clients is when they realize that understanding their finances is not nearly as frightening as they imagined. I often tell clients that information reduces anxiety, and uncertainty fuels it.

The first time someone reviews a balance sheet or cash-flow summary with a financial neutral, I can almost see the tension leave the room because the unknown becomes known. And once people understand where they stand financially, they begin making decisions with much greater confidence.

Progress is better than perfection

You do not have to understand every tax return before your first meeting.

You do not need perfectly organized files.

You do not have to become a financial expert overnight.

You simply need to begin.

One document. One account. One question. One conversation.

Small steps build momentum.

Momentum builds confidence.

Confidence leads to better decisions.

The Collaborative Process Encourages Understanding

One of the reasons I appreciate the collaborative process is that clients are not expected to figure everything out on their own.

  • Financial professionals help organize information.
  • Attorneys explain legal implications.
  • Divorce coaches help clients manage the emotional stress that often interferes with decision-making.

Rather than making decisions from a place of fear, clients are supported in making informed decisions based on reliable information.

That support often transforms anxiety into confidence.

You deserve to understand your financial future

Whether you have managed the family finances for years or your spouse has always handled the numbers, this is your opportunity to understand your financial picture. No need to become an accountant, but you deserve to make decisions from a place of knowledge rather than fear.

Divorce is difficult enough. Financial uncertainty should not make it harder.

Some final thoughts

💡Avoiding financial decisions may provide temporary relief, but it often creates greater stress—and greater expense—over time.

💡The sooner you begin gathering information and asking questions, the more options you are likely to have.

Remember, you do not have to know everything before you move forward. You simply have to be willing to take the first step.

Ready to take that first step?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the financial side of divorce, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

Whether you’re a business owner, physician, executive, or simply someone who wants to better understand your options, the right guidance can help you move from uncertainty to confidence.

If you’re considering divorce or are already in the process, I invite you to schedule a consultation. Together, we can develop a thoughtful plan that protects your financial future, reduces unnecessary conflict, and helps you make informed decisions with clarity and confidence.

With care,

Diana

We want to mediate because we do not want attorneys involved!

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I hear a version of the same comment regularly from couples who contact me about mediation:

“We want to mediate because we do not want attorneys involved.”

As an attorney myself, that statement always gets my attention.

Usually, what they mean is not that attorneys have nothing valuable to offer. They are worried that bringing attorneys into the process will make things more adversarial, more complicated, and more expensive. They have heard the nightmare stories from friends and family—divorces that dragged on for years, legal fees that spiraled, and disagreements that became battles once the lawyers became involved. They do not want a disagreement they believe they can work through together to turn into a legal fight.

And sometimes, unfortunately, that fear is justified.

Attorneys are trained to identify risk. We anticipate what might go wrong and try to protect our clients from it. That is an important part of our job. But in family law, there is a danger in treating every future possibility as something that must be prevented.

Sometimes, in our effort to protect clients from future conflict, we create rigidity that can actually make future conflict more likely.

A Parenting Plan Cannot Predict a Child’s Entire Childhood

A recent change to Utah’s custody statutes provides a good example.

For parenting plans involving young children, Utah law now recognizes that a child turning five may constitute a substantial change in circumstances warranting a review of parent-time, unless the parenting plan or order provides otherwise.

I have already heard attorneys approach this change from the perspective of:

“We need to put language in the agreement so the other parent cannot come back when the child turns five.”

My question is: Why?

Why is returning to the parenting plan when a child turns five necessarily a bad thing?

Certainly, there are families where repeated litigation is a serious concern. If parents have a history of high conflict, coercive behavior, repeated litigation, or an inability to make decisions together, creating greater certainty may be appropriate.

But that is not every family.

For many parents, revisiting a parenting plan as their child grows may be entirely reasonable.

A parenting schedule that works beautifully for a two-year-old may not be the best schedule for a five-year-old starting kindergarten. And what works for a five-year-old may need adjustment when that child is ten, fourteen, or sixteen.

Children change.

Their school schedules change. Their activities change. Their friendships become more important. Their developmental needs change. Parents’ work schedules and living circumstances may change too.

When parents divorce while their children are young, we are asking them to make decisions today about children they have not met yet—the future versions of their children.

No parent knows exactly what a three-year-old will need when that child is thirteen.

So why should every parenting plan be designed as though the goal is to make future conversations as difficult as possible?

There Is a Difference Between Stability and Rigidity

Children need stability. Parents also need predictability.

But stability does not necessarily require rigidity.

A well-designed parenting plan can provide a dependable structure while also recognizing that families evolve. Rather than trying to prevent parents from revisiting their agreement, we can help them develop a process for doing so constructively.

For example, parents can agree to periodically review their parenting plan as their children reach important developmental stages. They can identify circumstances that should prompt a conversation. They can agree to consult with a child-development professional, parenting-plan specialist, mediator, or other neutral professional before anyone considers going to court.

Most importantly, they can be educated about the difference between reviewing an agreement and fighting over an agreement.

Those are not the same thing.

What If We Designed Parenting Plans for Healthy Change?

Instead of asking:

“How do we prevent the other parent from ever trying to change this?”

Perhaps we should also ask:

“How can these parents address change without turning it into a legal battle?”

That is a very different question.

It shifts the focus from protecting a client against the other parent to helping both parents build a framework for solving future problems.

A parenting plan might say, in substance:

As the children grow and their developmental, educational, social, or extracurricular needs change, the parents recognize that the parenting schedule may need to evolve. The parents will periodically review the schedule and discuss whether modifications would better serve the children’s needs.

The agreement could then provide a dispute-resolution process if the parents cannot agree—perhaps consultation with a neutral professional followed by mediation before either parent seeks court intervention, where legally appropriate.

That does not eliminate disagreement. Nothing can.

What it does is give parents a roadmap for disagreement.

Attorneys Can Help Families Build Problem-Solving Skills

I believe one of the most valuable things a family law attorney can do is help clients understand that not every future risk needs to be eliminated.

Some risks should be managed by creating good processes rather than erecting legal barriers.

When we draft an agreement solely around the question, “How do I protect my client if the other parent becomes unreasonable?” we may inadvertently create an agreement designed around fear.

But what if these parents are reasonable?

What if they become more cooperative after the divorce is over and the emotional intensity of the separation has passed?

What if their child simply needs something different five years from now?

For many families, the better question may be:

“How do we create enough structure to provide stability while preserving enough flexibility to respond to the children we actually have—not the children we are trying to predict today?”

That is one reason I believe mediation and collaborative divorce can be so valuable. The goal is not simply to resolve today’s legal issues. It is to help families develop agreements and problem-solving processes that can continue working long after the professionals are gone.

Perhaps the measure of a good parenting plan should not be whether it prevents parents from ever coming back to the table.

Perhaps it should be whether, when life inevitably changes, they know how to come back to the table without going to war.

With deep care,

Diana

Photo Credit: A storm approaching, captured by my dear friend Carolyn Storey

Why Even the Most Successful Women Struggle with Financial Decisions During Divorce

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As a collaborative divorce attorney and mediator, I have worked with many women who are extraordinary decision-makers.

They own successful businesses. They perform surgeries. They manage large organizations. They negotiate complex contracts. They lead teams, make payroll, solve difficult problems, and confidently make decisions involving hundreds of thousands—or even millions—of dollars. And many of them are raising children, too.

Then divorce happens.

Suddenly, the woman who confidently runs a company tells me, “I’m not great with my personal finances and am afraid of making the wrong decision.”

The physician who makes life-changing decisions every day worries she will overlook something important.

The executive who negotiates multimillion-dollar contracts second-guesses herself over whether to keep the house or how retirement accounts should be divided.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. And more importantly, let me tell you, there is nothing wrong with you!

Divorce is different

People often assume that financial decisions are logical exercises and that divorce should just be like any ordinary business transaction. If that were true, divorce would be much easier.

But divorce is not just about finances. It is about your future, your children, your home, your identity, and the life you imagined. The financial decisions are wrapped inside one of the most significant emotional transitions a person can experience.

I have seen this time and again

One of the things that has surprised me throughout my career is how often highly accomplished women underestimate themselves during divorce. I have represented women who successfully built thriving companies from the ground up, but questioned whether they deserved their share of the marital estate.

Others have spent years managing family finances while still saying, “My husband understands the money better than I do.” Sometimes that is true. More often, it reflects confidence that has quietly eroded over years of one spouse taking the lead on financial matters or making the final decisions.

Professional competence and financial confidence within a marriage are not always the same thing.

Why confidence changes during divorce

Several factors tend to converge at once.

  • Every Decision Feels Permanent
  • Business decisions can usually be adjusted.
  • Markets change.
  • Strategies evolve.
  • New opportunities emerge.

Many divorce decisions, however, are difficult—or impossible—to undo. That fact naturally creates more anxiety.

The stakes feel personal

Selling a business is one thing. Deciding whether to keep the family home where your children grew up is something entirely different.

One decision affects a balance sheet, the other touches memories, identity, and family.

Decision fatigue is real

Divorce requires an astonishing number of decisions.

Housing. Parenting schedules. Insurance. Taxes. Retirement. Businesses. Real estate. Support. Budgets. College expenses. Personal property….

Many women continue managing demanding careers while simultaneously making dozens of significant personal decisions. Eventually, even excellent decision-makers become exhausted.

Women often carry invisible responsibilities

Many professional women continue carrying much of the family’s emotional labor during divorce. They are helping children adjust, managing school schedules, supporting aging parents, keeping employees focused, and serving clients or patients.

They are trying to maintain normalcy while privately grieving the end of a marriage. By the time they sit down to review financial documents, they are already mentally exhausted. This is the weight of carrying so much.

The fear of making a costly mistake

One comment I hear frequently is: “What if I agree to something I’ll regret five years from now?” Well, that is a reasonable question as divorce often requires people to make decisions based on uncertain future events.

Will the housing market change? Will interest rates fall? Will my business continue to grow? Will my income stay the same?

The truth is that no one has perfect information. However, good decisions are rarely about perfectly predicting the future; they are about making thoughtful, informed decisions based on the best information available today.

This is one reason I value the Collaborative Process

One of the reasons I chose to focus my practice on collaborative divorce and mediation is that it allows clients the time and support to make informed decisions.

Instead of rushing to prepare for court, collaborative divorce encourages assembling the right professionals to answer difficult questions.

Financial neutrals can help analyze settlement options.

Divorce coaches can help clients separate fear from decision-making.

Attorneys provide legal advice and help clients understand the long-term consequences of various choices.

No one is expected to have all the answers alone.

You do not have to prove anything

Perhaps the most important thing I tell successful women is this:

💪🏼 You do not have to prove that you can handle divorce by yourself.

💪🏼 Asking questions is not weakness.

💪🏼 Taking time to understand your options is not indecisiveness.

💪🏼 Seeking guidance from experienced professionals is not failure.

👉🏻 In fact, those are often the very skills that made you successful in your career.

Moving forward with confidence

The goal during divorce is not to make perfect decisions; we aim to make thoughtful ones. That requires information, perspective, and time.

And sometimes a team of professionals can help you see issues from multiple angles before making permanent choices.

I have watched many women begin the divorce process feeling uncertain and overwhelmed. Months later, they leave with something far more valuable than a settlement agreement.

They leave with confidence because they understood the decisions they were making. That confidence often becomes the foundation for the next chapter of their lives.

Looking ahead

In next week’s post, I’ll explore why business owners experience divorce differently from other professionals and how protecting a closely held business often requires a very different approach than simply dividing other marital assets.

A note to women business owners and professionals

You have spent years building your career, your reputation, and your financial future. Divorce should not diminish that work. With the right guidance, you can make thoughtful financial decisions that protect both what you’ve built and where you’re going next.

I am here to support you!

Diana.

Why Children Should Never Be the Messenger Between Divorced Parents

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One of the simplest ways parents can reduce conflict after separation or divorce is also one of the most overlooked:

Why Children Should Never

Do not use your children to communicate with the other parent.

That includes verbal messages, text messages sent from a child’s phone, questions to pass along, and even notes tucked into a child’s backpack.

While these methods may seem convenient, they place children in the middle of adult issues and can have lasting emotional consequences.

Why Parents do it

Most parents do not intend to put their children in the middle. Often, they are simply trying to solve a practical problem.

They may think:

  • “It’s just a quick message.”
  • “The backpack is going there anyway.”
  • “I can’t get the other parent to respond.”
  • “This will save time.”

Although the intention may be harmless, the impact on the child is often quite different.

The Problem with using children as messengers

When parents rely on children to communicate, the child is no longer just a child. They become responsible for delivering information between two adults who may already be experiencing conflict.

Children may worry:

  • What if I forget?
  • What if Mom gets mad because I didn’t tell Dad?
  • What if Dad gets upset about the message?
  • What if I lose the note?

Instead of focusing on school, friends, sports, or simply enjoying time with each parent, they begin carrying responsibilities that belong to the adults.

Even seemingly innocent messages can create anxiety.

“I’ll just put a note in their backpack”

This is one of the most common forms of indirect communication.

A note in a backpack may seem less confrontational than an email or text, but it still places the child in the middle.

The child becomes responsible for transporting the communication. They may discover the note, wonder what it says, worry about whether it will be found, or feel responsible if it is misplaced.

More importantly, the backpack should carry homework, library books, lunch boxes, and artwork—not the emotional weight of their parents’ disagreements.

Communication is an adult responsibility

Parents have many tools available to communicate directly:

  • Email
  • Text messages
  • Co-parenting apps
  • Phone calls
  • Attorneys
  • Mediators
  • Parenting coordinators or other professionals when appropriate

Using these methods keeps children where they belong—outside the communication loop. Even when communication is difficult, it is the adults’ responsibility to find an appropriate way to communicate.

There are rare exceptions

Occasionally, children may naturally share information about their lives:

  • “Dad said my soccer game starts at 6:00.”
  • “Mom told me Grandma is visiting this weekend.”

That is very different from asking a child to deliver a message, negotiate a schedule change, discuss expenses, or relay a parent’s concerns.

The distinction is simple:

Children may share their experiences. They should not be responsible for delivering their parents’ communications.

What to do instead

The next time you are tempted to send a message via your child, pause and ask yourself:

“Could I send this directly to the other parent instead?”

The answer is almost always yes. If communication has become so strained that direct communication feels impossible, that is usually a sign that additional support—a mediator, collaborative divorce professional, parenting coordinator, or counselor—may be helpful.

Your child deserves to be just that—a child

Every interaction after divorce teaches children something about conflict, communication, and relationships. When parents communicate directly with one another, they send an important message:

“Our disagreements are ours to solve—not yours.”

That simple shift relieves children of a burden they were never meant to carry and allows them to focus on what matters most: learning, growing, and simply being children.

Remember: If your message belongs in an email, text, or phone call between adults, it does not belong in your child’s mouth—or in your child’s backpack.

Diana.

You Never Have to Pick Sides

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One of the most heartbreaking things I hear from children of divorce—whether they are six or sixty—is the feeling that they have to choose between their parents.

You Never Have to Pick Sides

Sometimes that pressure is obvious. More often, it is subtle.

A child notices one parent becoming upset when they talk about having fun at the other parent’s house. They hear critical comments about the other parent. They feel guilty for looking forward to a vacation, celebrating a holiday, or simply enjoying time with the other side of their family.

Without anyone ever saying the words, the child begins to believe:

“If I love one parent, I’m betraying the other.”

No child should ever carry that burden.

Loyalty conflicts can be silent

Children rarely announce that they feel caught in the middle.

Instead, they often try to protect both parents.

They may:

  • Avoid talking about the other parent’s home.
  • Hide exciting experiences so one parent does not feel hurt.
  • Tell each parent what they think that parent wants to hear.
  • Become anxious before parent-time exchanges.
  • Feel responsible for keeping the peace.

Parents sometimes interpret these behaviors as moodiness or withdrawal. In reality, the child may simply be trying to survive an impossible emotional situation.

Children should never feel responsible for adult emotions

It is not a child’s job to make either parent feel loved, validated, or chosen.

Children are not responsible for:

  • Making one parent feel less lonely.
  • Taking sides during disagreements.
  • Deciding which parent is “right.”
  • Protecting one parent from the other’s feelings.
  • Carrying guilt for enjoying time with the other parent.

Those are adult responsibilities.

Children deserve the freedom to have a healthy relationship with each parent without worrying about how the other parent will react.

The messages parents may not realize they are sending

Children often feel pressured to choose sides because of subtle messages, not direct demands.

For example:

  • “I guess you had more fun at Dad’s house.”
  • “Your mom always does things her way.”
  • “Tell your dad he needs to…”
  • A disappointed look when your child talks about the other parent.
  • Asking your child to keep something secret from the other parent.

Even when these moments seem insignificant, children are incredibly perceptive. They often interpret them as instructions about where their loyalty should lie.

What children need to hear

Imagine the relief a child feels when they hear:

  • “You never have to choose between us.”
  • “It’s okay to have fun at your other parent’s house.”
  • “You don’t have to worry about our disagreements.”
  • “The adults will handle the adult problems.”
  • “My love for you doesn’t depend on whose house you’re at.”

Those words create emotional safety.

Even more importantly, your actions can reinforce them.

Things you can do this week

If you want your child to know they never have to pick sides, try these simple practices:

  • Encourage your child to enjoy their time with the other parent.
  • Smile when they tell you about something fun they did in the other home.
  • Keep adult frustrations out of conversations with your child.
  • Avoid asking questions that make your child feel they must report on the other household.
  • Never ask your child to defend you or criticize the other parent.
  • Remind your child often that they are free to love both parents without guilt.

The gift every child deserves

Divorce changes many things. It should never change a child’s freedom to love each parent.

One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the assurance that they never have to choose between the two people they love most. When children know they are free from loyalty conflicts, they no longer have to divide their hearts.

They can be children.

And perhaps the most important words EVERY child of divorce (no matter what age) deserves to hear:

“You never have to pick sides. You only have to be my child.”

With care,

Diana